We were not happy, we were pretending!

Being married is a different kind of responsibility. You have to look happy even if you are not. He was not happy because he loved somebody else, I was not happy because I wasn’t able to love him. I tried , but it didn’t work. I think love happens itself, you can’t force it to somebody.

I asked myself everyday why am I not falling in love with him. why falling in love is so difficult. You can have attachment with someone but love is an involuntary incident. You don’t fall in love, instead love choose you itself.

In many cases, marriages suffer from communication issues that one partner recognises and the other refuses to acknowledge.

Why stay in marriage if it doesn’t make you happy?

when you’re not happy in a relationship, pretending may seem like the polite thing to prevent your spouse from getting hurt. The problem is pretending to be happy in a relationship can take its toll on your emotional and physical health.

It also prevents you and your current spouse from moving forward into a satisfying life either with or without each other.

Sometimes the unknown is worse than sticking it out with someone you aren’t indeed in love with.

when I realised I was codependent, and I started doing the research, that’s when I knew I had to write about it. I thank my experience with him for teaching me what I needed to learn, which is ultimately to let go.

Writing about my situation made me think about some of the many times I have suppressed how I felt and did something that I didn’t really want to, or want to be involved in. I did it each time because I felt it was the right thing to do.

Pretending to be happy or suppressing your feelings to benefit others is never a good idea. After some soul searching and lots of journaling i have realised in this whole scenario I gave up a part of my myself. I lost my peace, my time and energy.

I sacrificed myself.

I was trapped in marriage and broken, and there was no way out. I still remember it was a early Sunday morning and i was sitting in the garden while he was still sleeping. My eyes were filled with tears and i was thinking how I tried to cope in a hostile marriage devoid of love or kindness. But nothing had helped. I felt more depressed, hopeless and exhausted than ever before.

some days I could barely get out of bed. I wasn’t strong enough to leave but i wasn’t able to stay either. So i chose to leave!